We said “I Do!” and tied the knot. Now what?
We have customers, friends and family that have asked us this question: Can I stop now? You might be wondering…stop what? Well these spouses wanted to know, now that they are married, now that the relationship is no longer new, do they still need to keep doing what they did before to attract their significant other ?
After much discussion with these spouses, the general thought at the forefront of their minds is that “I have him/her now, so my work is over. I got the prize. I don’t need to do anything else”.
The truth is this…the work is just beginning. The idea that one or both partner can stop “dating” the other is one reason and one myth, why so many couples and relationships struggle.
During the dating stage, couples do all they can to impress the other, all they can to stimulate the other, all they can to entice and appeal to the sexual desire of the other person. Gentlemen open doors, offer gifts of flowers, chocolate and words of affection. They groom meticulously, dress nicely, call and text often. Females pay special attention to their attire, hair and make-up. For intimate encounters, they wear lingerie, choose perfumes carefully and entice their partner with acts such as playful sneak peeks while in a towel, walking out the bathroom naked or even greeting him at the door in lingerie with music in the background. For fun, pleasure and romance, intimate encounters may happen in areas outside the bedroom. Hint! Hint! Hint! (kitchen, bathroom, beach, car).
Couples invoke every thought and act to keep the romance alive during the dating period. The question then begs to be asked, why stop now? Why stop after you have received your prize? Why let the fun and romance die? Think about it! You’ve dated and now you’re either married or in a committed relationship with your significant other. This means that each partner has now decided that they are solely focused on this relationship, with this person. You are no longer testing the waters. You are no longer interested in finding out if there is another person out there for you. The last thing either person should want to happen is for the fun to end. This next phase of the relationship is pertinent to its survival and longevity.
This is where we advise couples to work even harder than they did before. Not harder as in, this is just too much work, but harder as in, now that I have you, I don’t want to lose you. Now that I have you, I want to show you how much it means to me that you are in my life. Our suggestion, do all that you did before, and then some. Oh, by the way, this advice is for both partners. Not just for him or just for her. Both! You know the saying “It takes two”, it really does. No relationship will have any chance of surviving if only one partner is working towards it’s success.
Makes sense? If it does, then mark your calendars and remember to check back for part 2 of this article…How to Keep the Fire Burning. Here’s your homework [yes, we give our couples homework and mini projects :)], ask and answer this question: What are 2 things I did to keep the relationship fun and hot in the beginning, that I no longer do? Leave your comments down below and we’ll be sure to respond.
Until next time, visit www.yolandespeaks.com.