In love, relationships and marriage, communication is essential for building a strong
connection and deepening intimacy. It allows partners to share
their feelings, dreams, and fears, as well as to express their
love and appreciation for one another. When communication is
lacking, partners may feel disconnected and emotionally distant,
leading to a breakdown in the relationship.

Communication is vital for navigating through
challenges and conflicts. It’s undeniable that issues will arise, but couples who have effective communication tools and strategies need not fear the inevitable. It’s about expressing one’s needs
and wants, as well as actively listening and validating the
other person’s perspective. When both partners feel heard and
understood, it fosters a sense of respect and empathy, which
strengthens the bond between them. On the flip side, when
communication is ineffective or non-existent, issues can escalate,
leading to emotional turmoil and resentment and even infidelity.

Communication is the cornerstone of a healthy
and thriving partnership. It’s about being able to have difficult
conversations, compromise and collaborate on important
decisions. When spouses can communicate effectively, it builds a
sense of unity and teamwork, which is crucial for weathering the
ups and downs of relationships and married life. In contrast, poor communication
can lead to friction, misunderstandings, and an erosion of trust.

So, how can couples improve their communication in love,
relationships, and marriage?

First, it’s important to create a safe and supportive environment
for communicating. This means being open, non-judgmental, and
receptive to hearing each other’s thoughts and feelings without
fear of criticism or rejection. One way in ensuring that a safe and supportive communication environment is maintained, is by intentionally setting aside time to talk with each other. Separate and apart from any distractions.

Second, active listening is key. This involves giving your partner
your full attention, asking clarifying questions, and empathizing
with their emotions. It’s about truly understanding their
perspective and validating their experience. It is important to realize that neither partner should attempt to tell the other how he/she should be feeling or if that feeling is right. Allow your partner to feel the way he/she does and try empathizing by putting yourself in their shoe.

Third, be honest and transparent. It’s important to express your
feelings and needs in a clear and direct manner, as well as to be
open to receiving feedback from your partner. Honesty builds
trust and fosters a deeper sense of intimacy.

Finally, seek help when needed. If communication challenges
persist, seek the guidance of a relationship coach, therapist or counselor who can
help facilitate healthier communication patterns and provide tools
for resolving conflicts.

Communication is at the heart of love,
relationships, and marriage. When partners can effectively
communicate, it sets the stage for a strong, connected,
and fulfilling partnership. By prioritizing open and honest
communication, couples can overcome challenges, deepen their
intimacy, and foster a lasting and loving relationship.

Looking for ways to tell your spouse how you feel about him/her. Check out his blog post here: https://yolandespeaks.com/2023/06/17/ways-to-say-i-love-you-to-a-spouse-s-o/

1. Speak From Your Heart

Express your love to your partner by sharing your true feelings. Open your heart and say, “I love you” with conviction, honesty, and sincerity. These three crucial elements make the difference when you say these words. Not only does it matter what you say, but also how you say it.

2. Show Appreciation

Everyone wants to be appreciated. Tell your partner how much you appreciate their hard work, dedication, patience, and passion. Acknowledge the little things they do for you, and make them feel valued. Remember the old adage, “encouragement sweetens labor”. This means the more your spouse feels appreciated, the more he/she will do for you.

3. Leave Love Notes

Leave a sweet love note for your spouse on the bathroom mirror, in their lunch bag or on their bedside table, expressing the love and gratitude you have for them. These little notes can brighten their day and bring a smile to their face. Not only does it show love, but it signifies that you intentionally took time out to initiate this gesture. It signifies that he/she was on your mind.

4. Show Affection

Affection can be defined as a feeling of liking and caring for someone, tender attachment, fondness. Show affection by holding hands, hugging, cuddling, or kissing your partner often. These small gestures show your spouse that you care and love them, even when words aren’t needed.

5. Plan a Romantic Getaway

Surprise your partner with a romantic getaway to spend quality time together – no distractions, no interruptions. Being in a new environment can rekindle your love, and it’s an opportunity to create new experiences and memories. Bear in mind that there is no specified length of time or duration. Do what works for you both. It could be a day, a weekend, a week or even longer. The goal is just to re-connect with your spouse or significant other.

6. Cook for Your Spouse

If you’re culinary inclined, surprise your partner by cooking their favorite meal or preparing an elaborate dinner. It’s a thoughtful gesture to show your love and that you care for them by providing nourishing food. On the other hand, if cooking is not a skill you possess, consider ordering out, taking it home, and setting up a romantic dinner setting at home.

7. Affirm Your Love

The term ‘affirm’ means state as fact; assert strongly; offer emotional support or encouragement; and to give a heightened sense of value. Reassure your spouse that you love them. Saying phrases like “I love you more every day” or “I fell in love with you all over again” lets them know that your love is deep and sincere. Showing love and affection in your relationship also helps couples to lovingly overcome challenges when they do arise.

Conclusion

Showing your spouse that you love them doesn’t have to be extravagant, and it’s essential to do it regularly. Keep the love alive in your relationship by practicing these simple ways to say, “I love you,” to your partner or significant other, and watch how it transforms your marriage or relationship. 

Interested in reading more about ways to show love in a relationship? No worries. We’ve got you covered. Follow this link for another fun and easy to read post: https://yolandespeaks.com/2023/03/13/strengthen-your-relationship-with-your-spouse-through-affirming-words/

For business efforts or collaboration, please reach out at info@yolandespeaks.com.

Interested in reading more articles, our blog can be found at https://yolandespeaks.com/blog/

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As you may have read, (or if you have not gotten the opportunity to read yet), the 5 Love Languages, according to Gary Chapman’s best seller are:

1. Words of Affirmation.
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch

The aim of this post (and the following 4 in this series) will look at my interpretation of and implementation of these Love Languages in my own marriage, as well as results from recommendations I given to clients &/or friends. All rights to the book belongs to the author of course. I’m simply sharing how using the book has been beneficial to me.

It may be the educator in me, but I tend to research the meaning of words in my attempt to fully grasp a concept. Upon looking up a definition for “affirmation”, I found one that aptly defines its meaning. According to Oxford Language’s Online dictionary, ‘affirm‘ means to declare one’s support for; uphold; defend. A second, defined the term as ‘offering someone emotional support or encouragement’. Upon reading Gary Chapman’s book, you also learnt that Words of Affirmation carries with it different dialects or sections. These include (but are certainly not limited to):

a. Encouraging words

b. Kind words

c. Humble words

While I certainly encourage you to read his book for yourself, and to fully understand that it is highly recommended that you know your spouse’s main love language (I have an interesting story to share with you in another post about this), my attempt has been to utilize each of these Love Languages to some degree in my marriage. As such, this is what I have discovered.

My Use of Positive, Affirming Words

The use of encouraging, kind and humble words goes a long way in uplifting your spouse / significant other’s self esteem and confidence. No matter the bravado or self confidence that we exudes, hearing positive affirming words does much to boost our self esteem. The focus here is not on whether this is your spouse’s love language. The focus is on ensuring that your spouse hears something positive from the one who matters most – You! My husband loves investing in colognes that titillates the senses and boggles the mind (big smile on my face here). I often exclaim “Oh my God, you smell so good!” then proceeds to take a deep sniff of him with my hands lingering on his body. It NEVER ceases to put a big smile on his face. Never! Recently he was called into work and sent to do a drug test (random testing is a part of his job). He called me after to regale me with the story of a nurse who exclaimed how well he smelt and wanted to know the name of the cologne. He didn’t respond at first. She later returned to the room and asked again. Stories like these are frequent occurrences, even on his job. Men have even asked his recommendations for colognes. I am not bothered by incidences such as these, because I know this is not new information to him. His wife, me , already emphasized just how wonderful he smells.

In addition to Words of Affirmation, I make it my point of duty to observe changes and to compliment him on them. Did he shave or do a line up on his face? Did he go to the barber? I am quick to give him feedback on his upgraded look and how it appeals to me. Again, this does wonders. No matter how much he tries to downplay what he did, I can always spot an extra swag in his movements when I compliment his appearance.

This takes us to the next item; humble words. Sometimes, it is not what we say, but how we say it. Be humble and be gentle when you speak with your spouse. No one wants to made to feel belittled or disrespected. Next time, try asking instead of telling. “Hey Babes, can you help me with this please?” as opposed to “You should do this or do that!” Your humble words expresses respect and affection to your spouse and will be easier to digest. If you would like a reminder of some simple things you can say, read the image below and incorporate some of those suggestions in your relationship.

I hope you found this article helpful and can incorporate some of the information found within. I’m curious, what are some ways that you have used words of affirmation or positive words in your relationships and what was the outcome to those words. Feel free to share in the comments section. I look forward to reading your responses.

Special note: (online) Collins Dictionary defines boggles as ‘something that is difficult to imagine or understand because it is so amazing, strange or complicated.

For business efforts or collaboration, please reach out at info@yolandespeaks.com.

Interested in reading more articles, our blog can be found at https://yolandespeaks.com/blog/.

We said “I Do!” and tied the knot. Now what?

We have customers, friends and family that have asked us this question: Can I stop now? You might be wondering…stop what? Well these spouses wanted to know, now that they are married, now that the relationship is no longer new, do they still need to keep doing what they did before to attract their significant other ?

After much discussion with these spouses, the general thought at the forefront of their minds is that “I have him/her now, so my work is over. I got the prize. I don’t need to do anything else”.

The truth is this…the work is just beginning. The idea that one or both partner can stop “dating” the other is one reason and one myth, why so many couples and relationships struggle.

During the dating stage, couples do all they can to impress the other, all they can to stimulate the other, all they can to entice and appeal to the sexual desire of the other person. Gentlemen open doors, offer gifts of flowers, chocolate and words of affection. They groom meticulously, dress nicely, call and text often. Females pay special attention to their attire, hair and make-up. For intimate encounters, they wear lingerie, choose perfumes carefully and entice their partner with acts such as playful sneak peeks while in a towel, walking out the bathroom naked or even greeting him at the door in lingerie with music in the background. For fun, pleasure and romance, intimate encounters may happen in areas outside the bedroom. Hint! Hint! Hint! (kitchen, bathroom, beach, car).

Couples invoke every thought and act to keep the romance alive during the dating period. The question then begs to be asked, why stop now? Why stop after you have received your prize? Why let the fun and romance die? Think about it! You’ve dated and now you’re either married or in a committed relationship with your significant other. This means that each partner has now decided that they are solely focused on this relationship, with this person. You are no longer testing the waters. You are no longer interested in finding out if there is another person out there for you. The last thing either person should want to happen is for the fun to end. This next phase of the relationship is pertinent to its survival and longevity.

This is where we advise couples to work even harder than they did before. Not harder as in, this is just too much work, but harder as in, now that I have you, I don’t want to lose you. Now that I have you, I want to show you how much it means to me that you are in my life. Our suggestion, do all that you did before, and then some. Oh, by the way, this advice is for both partners. Not just for him or just for her. Both! You know the saying “It takes two”, it really does. No relationship will have any chance of surviving if only one partner is working towards it’s success.

Makes sense? If it does, then mark your calendars and remember to check back for part 2 of this article…How to Keep the Fire Burning. Here’s your homework [yes, we give our couples homework and mini projects :)], ask and answer this question: What are 2 things I did to keep the relationship fun and hot in the beginning, that I no longer do? Leave your comments down below and we’ll be sure to respond.

Until next time, visit www.yolandespeaks.com.

Yes, it’s definitely possible! Not only is it possible, but it can thrive and grow exceptionally well. For the purpose of this post, a long distance relationship would include any relationship or situation that causes one spouse or partner to be away from the other. Just to put it in perspective, couples that are apart because one drives a truck and spends a long time away from home, one or both partners are in the military and may be on assignment or duty, couples who live in different states (regardless of the reason), among others.

Relationships and couples grow and thrive when each partner goes above and beyond to invest in their relationship. I once read a quote or meme that said (and I’m paraphrasing here), if the husband focuses on the happiness of the wife, and the wife focuses on the happiness of the husband, they are practically guaranteed a happy union. The idea is that each spouse or partner acts selflessly and puts the other’s happiness ahead of their own. His focus is on her and her focus is on him. Pro tip here: if you use this statement as a guide in the bedroom, you cant miss! In such a case, each will find bliss because that’s the emphasis of the other. Of course, it is pertinent to stress that this only works if both spouse does this. If it’s only being done by one, then the other’s needs and happiness will not be met and thus there would be an imbalance in the relationship.

Now that we got the introduction out of the way, let’s get down to business. What can we do to maintain, grow and enhance a long distance romance. Several things, chief among them is prioritizing the relationship. Ensure that you set a convenient time to video chat, talk on the phone, send messages and just be with each other. It definitely does not compare to being beside each other, but it’s the next best thing. Video chatting would rate highest among the suggestions listed above. Obviously because you get to see other while you talk. I thought it pertinent to mention that, because sometimes, a video chat may not be an option (trust me, I would know, sadly, from personal experience). You want to ensure that as much as is humanly possible, that this time that is set aside for each other, is spent with each other. Not while you’re doing laundry, not while you’re cooking, not while you’re running errands. Just a time for you to sit or lay down and be together. Now before you say, well those times (doing laundry, cooking and running errands) count too, let me emphasize, yes, they do! All the times you spend with each other does count. However, there must be specials times set aside when you are completely focused on each other and each other only. All the other times that you would share together while you’re busy doing other stuff does have a positive impact and add to the growth of the relationship.

If you’ll permit me to get personal for just a short while, I’ll give you some examples. Due to circumstances beyond our control (work, to be specific), my hubby and I spent the first few years of our relationship and marriage in different states. This was not easy but we made it work and work well, until I was able to move from my state to his and really enjoy each other on a daily basis. We video chat everyday! We carved out time set aside just for the two of us, as well as called each other on our lunch breaks and after work before driving home. In addition, we would video chat while we each did our errands (cooking, laundry, homework, studying, fixing the car, watching the news (I think you get the point). We also messaged each other several times each day, definitely lots of sexting included (blushing and hiding my face here) and of course, several phone calls included. We also drove back and forth between the two states whenever work permitted. I know what you’re thinking. What about mileage on the car and how many hours drive is that? All valid questions, but for us, it was well worth the time spent driving and the mileage. Plus, it helped our relationship endure the test until we ere able to live together. If you are not in a situation to drive to each other, then the other ideas are options.

Long distance relationships work because of the effort, time, persistence and value you assign to it. Never forget to celebrate the special occasions too. Birthdays, Weddings, Anniversaries, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s & Father’s Day, Just Because I Love You etc. As much as is possible, try to celebrate these occasions together. We once went to a restaurant in our different states, put our phones on a phone holder on our individual tables and had a date night (4 states away from each other).

We aren’t saying it’s easy, but for and with the right person, it’s well worth all the required extras.

If you need help planning for these special occasions, visit our website www.yolandespeaks.com and lets talk. We’d love to help. Feel free to contact us via our contact form if you need personal attention.